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I travel widely. Friends tell me it's not so much travel as the art of smearing my presence all over the planet. It makes for a rather thin layer. I am not fond of thin layers really... especially not on toast. And this is a story about a toaster...
I like thick layers of whatever it is I have to hand. Like a base layer of goat's milk butter, followed by half an inch of creamy ripe avocado, some humus, sprouts, tomato, cucumber, roast pumpkin seeds and pepper. That may sound excessive but it is not, and it is a meal in itself with all the nutrients you may require. On occasions the base layer of toast is simply an edible plate on which all that scrummy goodness is balanced.
I love toast. It can be as comforting as a nice cup of relaxing herbal tea. But I no longer have a toaster. I used to have a fabulous gas stove with a lovely built-in grill that made superb toast and magical cheesy toasties. But that stove broke and my landlord replaced it with a really awful thing that has an internal grill but it's a real pain to get to work and you have to have the door open for it to function which is a major design flaw and annoyance. So I miss my toast and in this entire month I have not yet managed the minor achievement of purchasing a new toaster.
The other night I was out with friends and left to return home, after a drink or three had been imbibed. I was on my bicycle. I planned to go a certain way home -- which would have meant going the wrong way up a one-way street on my bicycle with no front light. I was meeting a friend at my place and she was in a car leaving from the same bar, so I was in a hurry, and being the proud cyclist, was determined to prove my simple transport quicker than the planet's most popular A-to-B polluter. But something prompted me to take a new and slightly different route, realizing it might actually be quicker. This short cut, as it happened, was also the right and most sensible way for me to go, resulting in me going the right way up a one-way street. But before I got to the street I traversed a pedestrianized section. And there on the side, shivering up against a brick wall was a sodden toaster. A 2-slot 4-slice configuration in white with some light turquoise details, brand unclear. Something plastic stuck in its maw.
Naturally I was quite intrigued at this fortuitous find -- it being precisely what I needed. It had about it every look of being a lost pet, bewildered and bedraggled. The remoteness of position, time of night and weather conditions made it highly unlikely that its owner intended to collect it. But why would someone abandon a working toaster? Then again why would someone bring a broken toaster to THIS place and abandon it there? Did this toaster run away from an abusive home or excitedly wander out for an adventure after some errant child left the kitchen door open and now it can't find its way back to the pantry? Or had it been drinking? So I wondered -- was the universe gifting me a toaster? Sure I hoped that would be the case.
At any rate, I was in a hurry, so I scooped it up and cycled with it under my arm back to mine. I put it on my kitchen table and marvelled at the improbability of this circumstance. The universe will provide that which you seek and ask for. And even that which it knows you need, before you've even asked for it.
But I have yet to test it. You see I was inspired by it to write this tale. And being of inquiring mind I thought I would be authentically journalistic about the experience and document the events as or nearly as they happened. So it still remains to be seen if the toaster works or not. I have some wonderful fresh sour dough bread purchased just today which would make super wonderful toast. Mmm... just the thing to survive a night of beastly northern winter.
The toaster is next to me right now and my typing is causing the table to jiggle just slightly which in turn is making the toaster's innards rattle slightly, like it's purring or communicating with me.
And so to work to test it out.
I removed a milky bar wrapper from its innards (maybe that was what was confusing it and drove it madly out of its safe environment) and gave it a clean like one would a stray and its cord got all-a-waggling like a dog's so I am thinking of it as a hound. And it's male. And while I find the improbability of the situation very amusing, in the event of it functioning, I have a very light feeling of guilt regarding ownership.
So I plan to paste a poster "FOUND - Male Toaster, white 2-slot, 4-slice Sunday 30 November. Call 555-784-2345 to reclaim." I'll include a photo and, well, if no-one comes forward to claim it then I will mark this event as example A and really trust the universe to provide.
Darn it -- there are vital pieces missing so it only toasts on one side. This is effectively a non-functioning toaster -- one cannot be bothered with a toaster that only toasts one side really... and that's a shame. It would have been so much easier than that awful grill. So what is very clear is that I should make the time to ensure I get a toaster as soon as possible. No more messing around.
Post script... resolved to buy a toaster today. I still managed to think of several other things more important to do and finally only left the office at 4.15pm to just damn well buy the thing. Except that the model I wanted was out of stock. So I bought another at nearly twice the price... That'll teach me.
My next mission... to get a new Snap Circuits SC-300 for my son for Christmas. It's an award-winning electronic toy designed to teach budding engineers the basics of electronics. It includes real circuit components just like the circuit boards inside radios, televisions, computers, and other electronic devices. The SC-300 set makes it easy for anyone from 8 to 108 to create simple electronic circuits and devices, and it's certainly a lot easier than fixing the toaster I stumbled across.
Markus Hart is crazy about electronic snap circuits for kids, although his friends say he is simply crazy. His favorite is the Snap Circuits SC-300.
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